MY PERMISSION FOR YOU TO SKIP THE FUNERAL

From November 08, 2008 ON AIR JUDGE WYLD SHOW - Radio Talk

Excerpt from show prep notes. On air content may have been more or less. Not journalistic or debate notes.

What is a funeral about.

Family and friends....maybe a coworker who you think might be a friend. maybe a neighbor you've waved to or loaned a tool to once or twice. You pay YOUR last respects to the dying. You resolve it in YOUR mind that they are dead and gone. You have an acceptance and deep reflection of your life now changes.

There is also the consoling of others. A spouse will go to show support. A sibling will show support if needed. IF NEEDED.

What if you do not know the dead person and are not there to specifically console a grieving widow. If you were close to the grieving person enough to know the dead person, then you are close enough to go. If you are the primary mental or spiritual support to the grieving person then you must go.

I am here to give you permission to not feel guilty for not going to a funeral that is beyond family and friends.

Funeral crashing. The casual observer. The casual well wisher. Don't go!!!!

a coworker's family member dies. Parents...

a neighbors family member dies.

A church member's family member dies.

Stay out of the way.

Find out if they have support. If they do. Stay away.

Don't feel guilty. The griever KNOWS that you don't KNOW the dead person.

Why act like a fool and insert yourself into the situation.... Why overinflate your importance.

If you don't go, what will be missed.... will they accuse you of not being a friend??? or not caring???

Flowers??? what good are more than tasteful number of vases with flowers? They are pain in the butt to everyone involved. The family wants the funeral to be pretty, not a laughing stock of overdecoration.

Counting flowers is counting love or caring??? Measuring a 48 inch wide flower arrangement means that they cared 24 inches more than a 24 inch wide flower arrangement?????

Why do you funeral crash? wedding crashing I can understand. but crashing a funeral??? is it FUN?? a FUN eral??? No....there is something of following a crowd that doesn't know what they are doing or why... it is drilled into us that we are going to an uncle's funeral out of state and we never knew the uncle. The entire family goes because you are a 10 yr old in your Dad's family and so the family goes to his brother's funeral.

But now you an adult. It's a coworkers parent who dies. You are not part of any intimate group related to the dead person. You have NO reason to crash the funeral. It does not show support in the way that the coworkers siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, are banding together around someone they know who has dies. You are not in the group. The grieving person KNOWs you are not in the group. Don't go. Don't feel guilty.

You can care and have empathy but that is NO REASON TO INSERT yourself into their intimate grief.

Sincerely, JUDGE WYLD